I value your input.
We were boyfriend and girlfriend for years, but since he broke up with me. He´s like a new person. (That´s not 100% true, our relationship back then sucked too...)
I want him to kill me because then i´d be his forever. But i WILL NOT let that happen, because it would be hurtful to my family. And he´d go to jail. I don´t want that for him. He´s "joked" in the past about how he should chain me in his basement so i don´t **** up. Sad thing is i´d probably think in my mind "oh, he´s kidnapped me, it means he loves me, he wants to keep me, literally" (he would never do that, but who knows)
My brain can be very weird sometimes.
I won´t travel to him unless someone knows about it, or the situation is saf(er). I promise myself this.