Hello! I am a 33 year old female. I was diagnosed with ADD and depression sense I was in middle school. I was off and on Ritalin and Prozac up through high school... I don't remember much difference or consistence.
I recently had a life threatening and changing experience and came to the realization I need to get my ***** together. Not drug related BTW, (although Ive been known to have binges but never addictions).... I have always suffered from major anxiety, mood swings, insomnia, debilitating depression (which makes it difficult for me to do even the simplest daily tasks) isolation, to tumultuous relationships.. I could go on.
I finally went to the doctor and he diagnosed me and is treating for ADD he also said he wants to get me on meds for depression too after he gets my ADD and focus under control. I am currently on Adderall 30mg IR 1xdaily and 20 IR1xdaily. I have been the most productive and excited I have ever been.... its been great Ive felt mostly.... Up until recently, now being at a major low.
I have just come to the realization I have been having (what I now believe when looking back) multiple psychotic breaks sense the life threatening experience and really treatment as well...they are in such close relation... It started (from what I can think back to) at home which I still constantly think about and wonder about to now seeping majorly into my work life.......
From minor interactions with co-workers & customers and/or comments being misconstrued by myself to now major conspiracies theories of co-workers against me and plotting against me in multiple scenarios....
My realization coming from a conversation I had with my boss that brought me back to reality and made me question my reality. I don't think they really know... I keep much to myself but I'm sure I act different as these situations are going on in my head...
Each of these episodes include panic attacks, racing thoughts, major ups and downs that can be back to back in quick succession and change with just a though, insomnia, paranoia....
I'm really messed up about this... I'm trying to keep this all in so I don't loose my job!! But this is terrifying!! I have told nobody yet... I know I need to talk to my Doc... Honestly I'm so scared to going back to the person I used to be but also terrified of what I'm becoming and could be..... Hoping with my realization I will now question and be able to control my thought and what I believe to be my realities, but also worried I could get lost in them.....
Any advise? Thoughts? Experences? Would be majorly appreciated... Totally lost and alone in this