Why are you giving your ex 20% of the sale proceeds of the house?

I take it your "kids" are adults? Is that so? Why does your ex assume that they will inherit this pile of wealth? You may require the proceeds for needs of your own. There is no telling what those needs may be as you age. You may wish to spend and even squander the proceeds of the sale. You may take up with a man who has expensive tastes and no job. Don't let anyone presume to know what you should do with what is yours. Tell your ex you plan to invest the money yourself - at the racetrack.

Tell your kids the same thing, if out of their mouths come accusations of you being not what they think you should have been. You have been exactly what you were capable of being - no more, no less. What you'll be in the future is none of their business, since they are no longer children. Of course, anyone normally wants to be close to their children. But your life hasn't been normal. Their attitude isn't normal. If they were disappointed in some aspects of their childhood, then let them make the most of their adulthood. You can't do that for them. Ask nothing of them.

You'll never justify yourself in the minds of those who disapprove of you. Give up trying. Find those who can like you for who you are now.