The last 11 years have been hard on me.Plus it seems every year that go's by.Things get worse.I'm 37.Still single as ever.I at times fear that i will never marry.I hate the area of the USA i live in.People are not friendly here.If i had the money.I'd move back to Cali or Vegas.The only good part.About where i live.Is that it is cheap to live.Lousy weather here.Hate the winters here and summers.Winter to dang cold.Summer to damn hot and sticky.I feel like i have been in a rut for years.I wish a lot of things would change for me this year.I want some good friends in my life.Near where i live.Plus a special man in my life.I also wish i had better relationships with family or be strong enough to cut ties with a few.Meaning my mom and a few others.My mom has always been a control freak.Plus verbal abusive to me.I went and saw her for Christmas.It was a disaster.Then there is my aunt and uncle.They are always to busy to call me every now and then.They only talk to me during holidays.Then there is folks i use to be friends with.Ones here in IL.They have used me,walked all over me etc.The only real friends i have all live in Cali.I have become some what of a loner.I usally go to baseball games and concerts alone.Because i'd rather go alone.Than hang out with people i don't like.My best friend lives in Cali.Is 35 and still lives with her mom.Cali is not cheap to live.But i think she should already be living on her own.Her mom has a tendecy to be verbally abusive to her.I think my best friends self esteem is worse than mine.Since she lives with her mom and has to deal with being called names.I live on my own and don't have a close relationship with my mom.My mom lives in Texas.I in Illonis thank God. I am way more independent.Than my best friend.I think my best friend needs to move out and experince life.I worry about my best friend daily.Plus i miss her.Want to go visit her.But as long as she still lives with her mom.I won't go visit.Because i won't stand by seeing her mom verbally abuse her.