I think you are conflicted. You have ideas that rival each other, and you haven't been able to make a firm choice and stick with that choice. It's a problem that is behind a lot of mental distress. I don't think that making "your brain" into a separate person is going to serve you well. You're confusing yourself, which leads to worsening helplessness.

You are one person - one conflicted person. There is not a second person living inside your skull who's plotting against you. There is only one person inside your head - you. I say that because I think the way out of your distress is for you to own all that goes on in your own mind.

Working through inner conflict can be awfully tough. But you have to do it to find peace and some sense of security. You don't have to eliminate all conflict. No one achieves that. You have to manage the conflict, by trying to take control. It's all coming from you and the history you've lived through and the relationships you've had with people important in your life.

I'm sorry you feel so tortured. Sometimes we treat ourselves worse than we would treat an enemy.