Well of course, where else would mental illness lie than in the brain, so I suppose in that sense it is. But I mean- what if there isn't really anything wrong with me except that I suck at life and am crappy at coping woith stress?? What if all of this healing that psychiatry is doing is actually making me sicker??

Sorry this is just a dumb rant by me bc the longer I am a psych patient the more it all seems like utter bullshat. I have to take medication to prevent an episode. But wait- why am I still having episodes on meds? They are now the wrong meds? What are the right ones? Did they stop working or would I have been well just as long w/ no meds bc they are as effective as eating pez candy and weren't actually doing anything? This is the crap that keeps me up at night. What if for me the cure is worse than the disease...

Im starting to realize just how much I don't believe in modern psychiatry anymore. A giant diagnostic bible with questionable science that seems to exist more for insurance company coding than for actual healing. I believe there is mental suffering but maybe it shouldn't be so medicalized and put us into neat little boxes based on subjective measures of symptoms. I know some people have found great relief from science and medication and all and I am not disputing that. But how we go about this whole dx and treatment of MI right now just seems completely fuucked.

I question when somebody is put on an antidepressant and gets manic and suddenly they are no longer just depressed but dx bipolar. I have had pdocs try to say that the BP was always there lurking and that if you weren't BP you wouldn't have that reaction to ADs. But what if the depression cure is the bipolar disease causing agent? Am I still bipolar then? I mean would I still be considered bipolar if acting manic after doing a crapload of meth? I doubt it.

anyway this is a pointless rant bc I can't sleep. I just wonder if 30 years from now society will look back at this era of psychiatry with horror and ask what they were thinking. I love how supportive everyone at my dbsa support group is. But at my group I have heaRd those same compassionate people suddenly become the paychiatry shaming police as soon as someone mentions not taking medication. and that pisses me off to no end.

When somebody claimed to have been led free and stable for years w/o an episode they were told that they must have just been in remission during that time. And if when they did get sick again it was like "see I told you so". Yet when someone on meds who was stable for years and then has an episode while on meds, it is always that the medication had kept them well all those years and now stopped working. Maybe it never did shiit and they would have gotten sick the same amount of times. You can't test it bc if you stop a med and have symptoms return that becomes proof that you need the med- even tho withdrawal can cause the same symptoms as an episode.

Anyway I am probably talking completely out of my arse here and if so I apologize profusely. I am just feeling rather fed up with it all. Medications and pdocs and T and bears oh my. Too much collateral damamge with too little science to back it up. I hope there are major changes in the field of brain disorders and mental illness in the near future bc i think we can do better than this.