I am not really okay but I suppose I am okay. that is an adult talking through this. This is trauma right? This right here is the trauma. i read somewhere recently that trauma is not the actual events or incidents, the real trauma occurs when the distressed child is uncomforted unsupported and has no way of calming the nervous system down, no way of self-regulating (too young, self skills not learned through previous experience), no way of finding or experiencing safety. The trauma occurs when the child is stuck there with no hope of resolution or rescue and no way out.
So this right here right now is trauma. This is the experience of the hopelessness, the intolerable-ness, the inescapable-ness, the aloneness and isolation of never-ending pain.
Here it feels like this is all that has ever been known and all that will ever be, because this is what always is.