this is the worst ever i've been in..... time for intervention.... i can't take anymore of this depression. it hurts to even breathe. it's crushing. my heart's broken in too many pieces to put back together. ouch. what do i do? my world has totally fallen apart. nothing gets worse than that, except maybe for a nuclear holocaust. i just wish i could die (not a suicide post), just for relief. i need relief. who cares if my memories are erased and it doesn't work if i do ect treatments. if i can recover, i'm going to seriously kick my ins. company's *** for denying coverage for a treatment that is safer than ect treatments. i wanna sue the sh@t out of them. i mean, this is rage against the ignorance of mental illness that brings sooo much pain and takes so many years of life away. i can't breathe now that i'm so out of options. i am left with no other choices! i feel like i'm shooting myself in the foot instead of helping myself if i do ect treatments. dammit. but, right now, i cannot function at all. and the ins. company will not give me the light of day to help myself. what do i do. i don't have the luxury of waiting for another year. i've waited for so long already. sh@t. let's just hope i don't come out more brain-damaged by the ect treatments.