thank you, Eskielover.... wow. You DO sound empowered from all that you've gone through, and strong! Erebos, you as well!!!! You two can be role models for me.

I need to feel empowered being single right now. I know there are a lot of benefits to it, and that it doesn't mean I will be alone forever. One of my biggest fears is that I will get rejected because of my mental health issues..... I don't want to face rejection because of that and there is a social stigma against MI.

I know I was wronged in my last relationship and badly, but he accepted my issues and understands them. But in the end, he gave me the short end of the stick and treated me badly. I have had several abusive relationships, and this turns out to be another one. Not all my relationships have been negative or sour, but many have been, with seriously contentious, ugly, nasty endings like this one.

I fear that I am too damaged.... damaged goods from all the abuse. I know I need to take the time to heal, and perhaps read up even more on abusive men and how to avoid them better.

My therapist says I lead with my heart and don't use my head enough, which is so true, and most especially with this last one. I was so caught up in the feeling of being in love, that anything which contradicted that feeling I ignored and dismissed. I am a hopeless romantic who loves the feeling of being in love. So stupid.... I feel SO STUPID. I am 47, I should know better by now, especially after ALL I've already gone through with jerky, abusive men.

I know I shouldn't beat myself up over it and I know I should be kinder and more compassionate with myself, but I cannot help but feel stupid and sheepish. This is my own doing... I ignored the red flags, like when he stole a pair of earrings for me and like when he told me that his other ex fiance is a total biotch. Stealing showed his true character, yet I believed his lies that it was a one-off incident. BS. Well, it turned out he wanted to do a lot of illegal things. And clearly, he ended his last engagment in a very contentious way, which should have been a clue to me that perhaps he is not quite right. He turned out to be a huge liar and scam artist who downplayed how he truly feels about me in the end, pretending like it wasn't all that I thought it was......pretending like we really have no connection even though we were engaged.