I tried to moderate my emotions for a while. I guess I still do, but now what I try and do is let him catch a glimpse of them before I moderate them. Just enough to communicate how I feel, but not enough for them to get too intense and run away with me.

To start with there weren't tissues or anything. Then... Maybe a month or so in tissues appeared one day. I guess he realized that the absence of tissues might be giving me the message that it wasn't okay for me to cry or something. He wanted to let me know that it was alright. Sometimes I would get a silent tear or two. He would say 'it is okay to cry' but I'd just wipe with the back of my hand and turn it off. I didn't want to do that. Once he got up out of his seat and walked over to me (scared me half to death!) and picked up the tissue box and offered it to me. That freaked me rather and I wouldn't take it. So he hasn't done that again.

I have cried a bit since then. I really hate the snotty nose thing, though. When I really blubber it isn't pretty and my nose needs these really loud honks to clear them. I try and keep it at the tears rolling down cheeks thing. No nose blowing lol.

What makes me cry? Talking about my Dad... Sometimes talking about my Mother... Talking about some of my feelings or thoughts... Stuff that has got to me since I was a kid. Some of my fears about my future. Dunno. I think he likes it when I cry... Well... Maybe until he saw me really blubber lol. I think that what gave me permission to really blubber was my going along to therapy a couple times when I had a cold. Needed to honk to clear my nose then (I can't abide sniffing). And then I guess I thought, well, he has heard it / seen it already. So that kind of gave me permission to really cry. Can't remember what I was blubbering about now. Probably when I was really stressed about my mid-term review... Everybody hates me etc etc.

Maybe... Try talking about the thoughts / feelings that get you crying outside therapy. Talking about them can bring back the feelings can bring back the crying.