The past is the past. I've done things I am ashamed of. I was emotional abused as a child and continually connect with people who emotional abuse, take advantage of me, etc. For some reason I still love this person in my life whom only uses me for $$ or favors. Seems I can't break this cycle of being abused in this way.
I was emotional abused as a child and realize it's part of my BPD. I am not upset with my mother and understand why and have forgiven her a long time. Anyway if anyone passes judgement on you, they don't have that right whatsoever. Everyone has transgressed others in some manner. Don't be ashamed. The fact you are aware of this is something most people don't consider, because they don't want to look at their past mistakes or how they've hurt others. I talked to my priest how people think I'm a nice guy, yet I see the darkness in myself. He told me not to dwell on this and to remember the good I've done. He even was proud of me, acknowledging my sins and passions, being aware of them, Again most people don't even look at their passions.

hang in there and remember, Let whoever that has never sinned(made mistakes), cast the first stone. Nobody would be able to cast the first stone. After all I am the chief of sinners. I'm not going to judge you, because if I did I would have to judge myself. You are put on this world for a reason. You have gifts to give to this world to make it a better place. A