I've only talked about this to people a few times, but I feel like I need to talk about it now, and I don't see my therapist for another week. I had one of my phobias triggered majorly the other day, and I still feel really freaked out by it. I'm sure some of this will boarder on triggering, so be warned before you go on.

I have a pretty serous phobia of semi trucks. Several years ago I was driving on the interstate, going to an internship for school. The interstate here was three lanes each way, and I was maybe 1/2 to 1 mile from my exit. I'd moved to the far right lane so I wouldn't have to fight traffic when I got to the exit. I drove pretty close to too high over the speed limit at this time, and ended up passing a semi that was in the middle lane. As I passed him, he moved into the right lane behind me, but too soon. The semi tapped the outside corner of my back bumper as he switched lanes. I didn't feel it happen, but within seconds I started losing control of my car. I fought it, hard, but lost control and ended up driving across the three lanes of traffic and crashed into the median. I was so panicked, I remember the day in feelings and snapshots of images still. Especially scary was one snapshot, when I was perpendicular to the lanes of traffic. I remember looking out my window and seeing the front of another semi coming towards me. Luckily, I didn't get hit by anyone else, and there was a cop not far behind where I crashed who was on the scene almost as soon as my car stopped moving. My car was pretty damaged, but luckily I wasn't hurt, just scared and in shock.

So, fast forward to now, yesterday actually. I was out running some errands, and got to the stoplights at an intersection I needed to turn through. I was already pulling into the intersection and the light was turning yellow, so I knew I needed to go before it was red. I started pulling through the intersection, and from the other direction a semi decided not to stop at the red light. I froze up, it was like a mirror of my memories of the first accident. I really can't believe that I didn't just slam on the brakes and panic. I was lucky that the semi was going pretty slow, and was able to stop before he hit me, and I got through the intersection and to the store without any damage to the car or myself.

I didn't realize that it affected me so much, but I started panicking earlier today when I had to drive by a couple of semis. This is the worst fear for me to have, especially since my boyfriend doesn't have his license so I do all our driving. I see a semi truck and I'm so afraid of them hitting me or doing something stupid that will hurt me. I feel anxious just typing this up, even though there's nothing to hurt me now. I don't know if I'm looking for any answers or advice or anything, I just needed to get this out to someone who might understand. Thanks for reading.