well the fact that he found out and how he is appalled at how you are "making him out to be worse" is kind of what an abuser does in such situations. They get very indignant and try to project what they do on you. They turn things around to make it seem as though everything they do is "noble" but what you did by being honest with someone or a therapist about things is so horribly mean to them. It's a very skewed view of things that they have.