((((Ototot))))

That time in your life isn't here anymore. I can understand your regret of the things that you did several years ago. We all live with terrible regrets that can sometimes haunt us. Imo, that's what is happening with you.

If these regrets have been darkening your mood for more than a week or so, maybe you should think about mentioning the entire story to your therapist (T). If you are in T, and have been holding back this part of your life, this may be your cue that you are ready to discuss this part of your life to your T... and you're scared of what may happen.

I can assure you that your T will not look down upon you for these things that happened years ago. They will most likely be very reassuring to you. In my personal experience, holding my sexual abuse & resulting behavior didn't help me at all. I *needed* to talk about it. My guess is that you do too.

Gentle hugs sent your way honey. You are a good person. You made some mistakes, but you're just human. You are okay.