Thanks Angie, Rhap, Perna, Bebop (wait when did you turn green?!!!!!)

I do feel a lot better now. I have decided that this past weekend was my last trip out there. The trip is too hard on me physically and I'm getting really worried about what could happen if I went into premature labor, not to mention what impact the travel stress might be having on the baby. I explained this to my brother and while he wasn't happy with my decision, he didn't give me a hard time about it. I am sad about it but obviously nobody has any control over the timing. My husband is hugely relieved that I'm not going to fly anymore - he has been very supportive but is starting to get anxious about it.

Perna, you know, I do have very strong sisterly feelings for my brother and I do want our relationship to be repaired. I just don't think that right now, in the midst of this tragic time, it's really possible to move forward on that. He needs some time to heal from my dad's death and I do believe that family, in principle, is extremely important to him. Once my dad dies, I am my brother's only link to his history, and I am confident that he is aware of that already. With all of that in mind, combined with the effort I have already made to support my family over the past few months, I feel good about my decision.

AlteredState, I think you might have misunderstood my posts. There is a difference between having childish feelings versus acting childish. I do not believe I have acted childish in the least. I have let my brother do what he feels he needs to do now and for the most part, I have taken the higher road even when he has hurt my feelings. If I can articulate my feelings and demonstrate understanding of them, then I don't think it's necessary to tell me off for merely having them. We can control our actions, as I have already done, much more easily than we can control our feelings. My reason for posting here is to help myself in the evolution of my feelings, which aren't going to change merely because someone tells me that they should. That's like telling someone to "snap out of" depression - nice advice, but extremely difficult to implement. Experiencing my feelings with awareness is the most productive way to grow out of them. Thanks for taking the time to write, though.

Thank you, everyone, for your support during one of the most impactful several months of my life. I think I'm going to be okay now. I really appreciate all you've done by listening to me and showing me that you care