Oh I can totally relate to this one. I always tell my therapist that I am emotionally challenged. He is constantly asking me what emotions does that bring up? Where do you feel that in your body? I'm like I don't f***ing know. He he says can you look at your words ( that is my list of emotion words, I feel like a four year old being told to use my words). Ivan huff and puff bring out my list of words at the back of my journal I bring in every day and have to figure out what words or emotions tie into what the heck I'm talking about or feeling at the time. I absolutely hate it and he knows it. He must ask me this at least 5 times every session and it's the same go around every time. I will sometimes yell back and say why do you keep asking me that f***ing question and he will say what is it that I do for a living. Then I come back and say who cares what I think who cares what I feel cares what emotion it is I don't care.

Anyway sorry for the rant there. Emotions are just very very difficult for me. I am currently in DBT class which is supposed to help me deal with this but sometimes it just puts me on overload. It all stems back to childhood. I was never allowed to act like a kid I was raised at a family business I was expected to act like an adult. No laughing no giggling no crying. God forbid no throwing tantrums. Quite honestly there was never any joy my childhood so I never learned how to show happiness. Then there was the physical and sexual abuse where I learned never to show fear or pain. Now after Decades of stuffing my emotions down deep inside with food here I am. Stone-faced and emotionally challenged. It could also be described as emotionally avoidant or simply devoid of any emotions.

I know that is probably not the response you were looking for but it just really set something off inside of me as we have been working so hard on this for the past 4 months or so. In reality he is working so hard on it and I've been working so hard to avoid it. Just remember you're not alone.