Sorry you're hurting.

I think it's okay to bring these things up in therapy. I mean, if they're still bothering you and you're hurting a lot, it's worth talking them out. I know you said you don't want to do that, but confronting your paranoia could be really helpful because it doesn't sound like you've fully healed from those incidents if they're still coming up during your depressions.

I can imagine it all hurts a lot. I've had bad memories come up during my depressions too. It sucks... a lot. But my talking them out has helped me a lot.

Have you talked to anyone about this?