Thanks, sister, alex, for your thoughts on termination. I am glad you think it is not the beginning of the end.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sunny, do you think that T wrote the "thank you note" because he sensed your feelings?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Maybe. His email was a surprise to me, so I think maybe it was in response to his feeling that something was amiss especially toward the end of the session (when he apparently was unaware that he had told me before about his marriage and divorce). But I don't think he knew what the matter was, just was aware of the disconnection and the increased distance at the end.

sister, it makes me feel better to read what your T wrote about doesn't everybody have trouble reconnecting? Thanks for sharing that.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister wrote:
Tell him that you need to re-establish the therapeutic relationship. I would imagine that it's very difficult to differentiate between divorce coach/therapist

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
alexandra_k wrote:
Can you tell him that you feel like you have lost a therapist and gained a divorce coach? That you miss your therapist?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes, the roles are blurred. I have a lot of trouble with it but mostly just resign myself to it. Once I did go in and say I just wanted him to be my therapist that day, and we talked about it some. But we haven't talked since then on that. It's getting to be more of a problem. For example, a therapist has a confidentiality agreement with his client. What goes on in that room between T and client stays there. But a divorce coach does not have a confidentiality agreement and can share with both lawyers, or other team members, anything he deems useful to the process. So there are some things I tell T and he goes and blabs it to other people. I have to trust that he will do nothing to hurt me by this, that he will use good judgment, not compromise me, etc. I do trust T, but I have a hard time with this. In our session yesterday, he told me he had told opposing counsel something I had told him previously. I cringe to think he told my H's lawyer what I said--it is not something I would ever have shared with him myself, and I worry T does not represent me well and now my H's lawyer will think ill of me. I just hate that kind of breach of confidence, but it is expressly allowed and I can't get out of that. It makes me feel so exposed and like I can't be completely open with T. T has told me before that if there is anything specifically I don't want him to share with others, to tell him. I told him I didn't like that and suggested instead that everything be confidential and if he specifically wanted to share anything with others, to just ask me and I would give permission (or not). And he said OK. But that was quite some time ago, and he is not following it. Cringe. What else is he telling people? Trust erodes....

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
alexandra_k wrote:
Can you tell him that you felt hurt that he forgot that he told you about his divorce? That it really impacted on you when he told you. That it was a little hurtful to find that something that really impacted on you was something that he forgot?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I feel unable to tell him those things. Too hurt. It would hurt even more to put that out on the table for T and risk more rejection. What is he to say if I bring that up? "Well, sunny, I really can't remember what I've told you and what I haven't. I have a lot of clients, you know." That would not make me feel better at all.

I still haven't emailed him back.

I feel like this kind of flat and disconnected session is morphing into a rupture.