I saw your post has no replies and i was like "okay i´m gonna try my best to give this person advice!" I read the whole thing but you´re not gonna like my advice

Just let it be, move on, your relationship was violent, etc etc
Which is hypocritical advice coming from me, since i´m kind of in a similar situation and i definitely don´t want to move on.
I was in a pretty dramatic/bad relationship with someone, it got too much for him and he broke up with me. I still want and hope for him back. I don´t know, it sounds like you both have issues. Not to give false hope or anything, but maybe if you two individually spend some time apart, maybe going to therapy, i dunno, you could have a healthy relationship. Sorry for my bad advice.