My feelings about parenthood are all screwed up. I really, really want a child, but I struggle to not feel doomed that it will never happen. Even though I tell myself there is nothing in Christianity or logical chance that makes it rational for me to know that, I can't convince myself. I then start thinking, sometimes trying to make myself feel "better", that I'm so messed up in the head that it's probably best if I don't have a child. Then I worry about the end of the world and just how bad everything is the world now that I go back and forth between thinking it's a mercy I don't have a child and being resentful that I was born into this time and can't live a "normal life." I told the lady who screened me at PORT a briefer version of this, and she just stared at me. I don't know what that meant.

That's my issue. As for yours, if anyone can value my opinion at this point, it's pretty much guaranteed that having a child is going to change your life and be an unimaginable new responsibility. Some of that is wonderful and some is harrowing. Having a growing, living being you love around brings its own rewards with it, as well as its trials. It can give us purpose and make us feel alive like nothing else, as well as at other times drain us and try us and make us worry and feel like our lives are only about them.

There is no guarantee that having a child will ruin your relationship; there is a lot of advice as well as happy stories out there involving having a strong, happy marriage and children. The ridiculous schedule is only a short-lived thing when the children are very little, getting better as they get older. With a helpful partner and maybe even help from others, you might manage that schedule and your mental health for that short time. There is also advice and happy stories about meeting your own needs, having a social life and career and mental health space, as well as being a parent.

It sounds like maybe you are suffering from not being able to shake this overwhelming "truth" your mother taught you and having, like me, a doomed or overly-worrying mind. I wish I knew what to do about that.

The truth is, some people don't like being a parent, and it is more chore than joy, but many people also feel it is the best thing that ever happened to them despite its challenges. Examining your feelings and what you want from having a child might help you guess which way you'll feel, as well as remembering that so much of the things you are afraid of people have advice for avoiding.