feeling not good..

thinking; what am i doing here? talking to a girl,
i know whats going to happen
it started to happen earlier, so i just stopped talking and layed there

it felt like a pulling back, withdrawal which makes not good feelings..

it seems like i just want to keep a destabilized mind so i just do things to make myself have these paranoias
i feel so avoidant, i recluse
want to hide from the world