Because Fred had stayed with me post breakdown, I felt like I owed him, and the way he spoke and treated me it was as if he considered himself some kind of martyr.
A former sports coach of mine had had words with him. This snake had told my mum that I was a waste of talent, it was a shame. But he told Fred I was not good enough for him and that he should go away and think and consider what people would say about him for staying with someone who had to have an in patient stay. I know he said a lot worse than this and this is the tame version. Fred was not one for opening up. He said that he had higher principles than me that I couldn't understand as I was a women. I would like to know what he said in full. I can speculate, sure.
So I was not told by the doctor that nearly everyone who had had my symptom would need meds in the long long-term. So I was desperate to get away and start a fresh. I decided to apply for the military. This subdued the gossip, as it made it look like there was still hope.
On a subconscious level I think I was trying to bide myself time or simply put, I just needed to get away and think and heal.
A parent from my old sports club, was working behind counter in a shop and she suggested that I take time to chill. And I took the advice. I stayed in and read just for enjoyment as well as non-fiction to help me recover.