I was severely manic last holiday season, which is a stressful time anyway. I felt terrible rage against everything and everybody. But I never had thoughts of hurting myself or others. I called my psychiatrist about this and her nurse told me to go to the ER. I didn't go because I was afraid of hospitalization. She quickly worked me into her schedule and I took my husband with me as my advocate. She said she wanted to put me in the hospital. I was terrified that she could do it against my will. I managed (with difficulty) to be calm and rational. She upped my dose of Abilify and then I developed tardive dyskinesia. If it's not one thing it's another with this disease. Anyway, I've never been hospitalized before, and I'm terrified of it. I don't want to give over control of my body and have them pump me full of potentially harmful drugs.