My mother has been using us sons for emotional company, along with my dad. That's why we have issues outside of home.
I am too weak to do anything - I can't study and I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like a leftover human.
When I try to study and can't understand something, I just give up and throw the notebook away.

My mother vented to me a week ago, about how sad she's felt all these years. But she vented because she'd see how miserable I was. I think a part of her was doing this so I'll stop venting. Because at one point she'd say she doesn't like it when I talk to her angrily at times. Well it's no ****ing wonder, she's been emotionally controlling through all these years, not wanting us to rise. She'd always vent and show pain just so I'll stop complaining and being angry.

I should have never been her emotional crutch. It has made me weak and a crutch.

Guys, I really don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. I can't study, I hardly have any friends, my social hierarchy is already low, and I really feel like a leftover human on this world. Grown through the fears of our parents, being kept in a large house just for company due to their own insecurities, and that's why we're losing as a family. My mother and father think everything is OK because we are all here.
But you have no idea how much I deeply despite my parents for having put me through this life.
My mother doesn't even check on me daily regardless of my condition. She sees a happy face for a moment and thinks everything has been solved. Telling her has not helped. I have no one to depend on.
Once again, I feel like a leftover.
And if I'm not - PROVE! OTHERWISE!