Sorry for the long reply. I havent been able to get on the internet.

First off, todays the worst day Ive had with this. I go through periods where I think EVERYTHING is okay, then I go through periods where nothing is okay. like for today. I went to bed talking to my beautiful girlfriend, had a sexual dream about two women last night, and then this morning masteIrbated and thought okay im so straight this is all in my head, then masterbated again to the help of porn, found the vagina totally gross looking wasnt turned on and was stirred a bit by the man or so i thought then i thought okay its in my head again now im freaking out. I have no clue whats going on with me, like romantically I can never see myself with a guy, but why is sex with women no longer pleasureable to me? Is it just cause my body needs a break, like my erections most times arent anywhere near as hard so maybe my testesterone is down? I have no idea but I can say that what Im going through feels l;ike hell like i dont want to get out of bed. like theres some moments where im like omg maybe gay sex does feel great omg i imagined a man in my *** omg im gay or omg my friend is attractive crap. Then theres other times where its omg i think im gonna fall for my gf. Then there is this size dispartiy thing like suddenly women are small and it feels weird to me when im with women because of the size disparity. Does that mean Im attracted to men. The thing that makes this so much worse is suddenly i am not as pleasured by having sex with women but I dont know if this is in my head. I REFUSE to act on it with a guy. EVER. I REFUSE.

I dont want that life, I dont want to be close to a guy, I have no romantic affection for guys. I only have romantic affection for women. What is going on?

Thanks.