I know personally that I have a defence mechanism which involves pushing people away as much as I can, but secretly hoping they will care and understand enough to stay in my life. It's almost as though I know I'm a crap friend and I can't believe someone would even consider being my friend....but another part of me knows that I have alot to give to another person and I want people to recognise that.....but they have to work at it to make me feel they really mean it.
That's just a part of how my life has been living with BPD, I hope it helps xx