I did something this afternoon that I at first wished I hadn't. Nothing serious, then I told myself I did it because I had a need too, I am not wrong in who I am, I am just trying to get by the best way possible, then I suddenly got hit my a deep loneliness and a need to be loved. I've never experienced this so clear as I did this afternoon, then I felt I do need T, I needed her during the break, and then the tears started to come. I've often wondered what my anger is often about, what it suppresses inside of me, but could never feel anytihng but anger. My anger stops me having to need the nuturing love of another. Once the tears came I felt relieved of a burden, a big heavy burden, I felt I had at last lost the shame in having this need. I feel more relaxed now about sitting with T on friday, knowing that its safe to finally admit I need her, all the time I've been battling this inside unconsiously its kept me in such conflict. I can feel my brain relaxing a bit more!! aaahhhh its ok to want something nice from another!