Thank you. I honestly don't believe that he intended to abuse me...at least not until the end when he was actively angry with me. Then he purposely said horrible things to me because he knew how it would hurt.

They say that emotional abusers were abused themselves most of the time. My ex did have something horrible happen to him as a child, and while he had been forced to go seek counselling, I don't think it worked well for him.

I remember going to him because I felt that he seemed so alone and miserable, and that all he needed was someone who cared. I wanted to help and show him that the world wasn't a dark and lonely place. Unfortunately, a person has to want change...and I don't think he did. He was content in being miserable, even when he had goodness and love all around him. I've spoken to him a few times before the divorce and he's just as pessimistic and negative as ever. It's just hard to deal with that all the time.

I guess it's just hard for me to believe because all of my friends growing up always pinned me as being the 'strong' one. I never really saw myself that way, I always saw it as simply being more realistic about things.

My boyfriend is helping me a lot. He's been an infinite source of patience for me and he gives me a lot of comfort and love. It's something I haven't ever had in my life and I'm enjoying it...even if I do get down and depressed despite his efforts.

As for my past, before my ex, it wasn't exactly a happy one. My father suffered PTSD from the Vietnam war and had gone years without any help. From the time I turned 13 until I left the house at 20, we argued from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed and the words used to describe me by my father on a regular basis ranged from "selfish" to "vindictive" to "uncaring" to "manipulative". My teenage years were very, very stressful. As such, I'm not as close to my parents as they would like, and my mother constantly accuses me of being 'overly sensitive' and 'high strung'.

I didn't have much self-esteem when I went into the relationship, and I still struggle with trying to convince myself that not everything is my fault.

My boyfriend tells me every day that I'm the most beautiful thing in the world to him, and tries very hard to show me how much he loves me. If nothing else in my life has been overly good, I can honestly say that if anything is going to help me get better, it's him and his undying patience and love for me. I was very, very lucky to end up with someone like him.