During the last session my eyes were starting to water but I supressed the tears. Because if I start to cry, then what. My T won't hug or show affection towards me...he'll look at me and that's it and I don't want to be at the center of attention. Also I'm afraid to worry him or that I'll bother him...I find it difficult to express them, not only in therapy but outside too. I think it has to do with how my parents raised me. My father didn't want me to express emotions, he always told me to stop crying, or not to laugh. And my mother too didn't validate them, or she was overprotective and made me feel guilty for crying because she looked too worried. But this isn't our fault. How our parents/caregivers acted....it was their decision.
Maybe you don't feel ready or safe enough to express them and that's ok! Verbalizing them and talking about them still counts, even if you don't express them in a non verbal way (crying etc) you are still talking about them.
I think your T understands why you don't express them. Expressing them with your T could take some time, but remember that it's all about small steps! Maybe you could write all of this in a journal and read it with your T?