Many of us have made choices that have led to or resulted in addiction (drugs) or allergic reaction (alcohol), but I have never heard anyone say s/he had ever chosen to be addicted. In my own case, I first turned to alcohol for relief from the emotional pain you have mentioned, then ultimately discovered I had some abnormal body chemistry that made controlled drinking impossible. None of that was indicative of any kind of illness, however, since it is quite natural and even instinctual for human beings to seek relief (even to the point of obsession) from any kind of pain.