need2move4ward,
I have a brother who is sick—violent, abusive. He abuses my biological father. At one point in time, he abused me. As hard as it was, I decided I had to take care of myself. So, I cut off all ties with him and my father—my father abused me also. I had to move away and “divorce” myself from the situation. I have recently visited my father and I am contemplating visiting him again, but I will never have anything to do with my brother.

I understand your conflicted feelings about wanting to protect your mother—scared he will give her another heart attack. It is difficult to watch a sibling abuse your parent. In the long run, I had to let go of the situation because it was my father’s choice to allow the abuse. I offered him ways out but he did not accept them. It is also difficult to be there to support your parent and yet not get caught up in the sickness.

Remember, the most important person in this situation is you. You need to take care of yourself. Maybe someday you will be able to help your mom, but right now, it sounds like the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and it also sounds like that means getting away from the abuse.

I believe deep down my father would have wanted me to take care of myself because, even through all this, I believe he loved me and wanted what was best for me. Maybe someday I will be able to help my father—the only way I will be able to do that is if I am stable and recovered from my abuse. So, maybe, someday you will be able to help your mother too…but first, help yourself.

It sounds like you are taking the right steps by looking for a place to go. I hope you can find a place soon. Please stay strong.