I had a friend, I'm guessing past tense because I said something that offended them. I knew what I said could offend them and in reality that it should offend them. If they were nonchalant about their answers or responses then it meant there was a bigger problem. I wasn't trying to test them, I just wanted to know where I stood, where our friendship stood. I tend to open up to very few people, and when I do, it's a binary switch, off or on, no in-between. My problem here, beyond an obvious complete lack of tact and social graces is that is when I do let anyone in at all, I start getting very afraid. I get scared that anything I say will become a weapon against me. I'm also afraid I might begin to truly care for them, and then they'll leave. I'm also very afraid my self could get in the way of their life. I still look at people and wonder what made them stay together, what worked, and what doesn't. I'm terrible at all communication, but I rarely intend harm.
What can I do when I don't know how to talk to people, then they start listening anyway, and I begin to question myself and then them, and then everything winds up broken anyway?
I feel like such a social poison most times.
I'm taking my meds and going to bed. 8:30 PM on Saturday is not too early.