It's all I've been hearing from most of the people I've told, like my fear of being diagnosed with cancer is a stupid way to feel. I actually had a relative a week ago tell me, cut me off and talk over me to TELL me, 'just be positive, what's the point of focusing on the negative when that might not even happen'. I don't know, maybe because the negative has already happened? Can people not find anything better to say than that I should be positive?

Be positive about what? The fact I'm 29 and got diagnosed with bowel cancer? The fact that in the last 8 weeks I've been in hospital twice, have had 2 colonoscopies, 2 CT scans, gone through surgery, had part of my bowel and small intestine removed, been diagnosed with cancer, have been told I need to go through chemo and haven't worked in 2 months? How about the excruciating stomach pains I've had to the point of nearly fainting that I brought up with them and they obviously have brushed off, that happened again the other night and makes me think there may be more cancer they didn't pick up on? Or perhaps the fact nobody can tell me if I will survive or not? Or perhaps when I went to the oncologist and every other patient there was at least triple my age? Maybe the friends who I haven't seen or barely heard from since this all started is something I should be positive about. Or maybe the fact that I spent years working so hard to buy my home, only find out I have cancer 6 weeks after I finally achieved that.

Someone just point out to me what it is exactly I'm supposed to be positive about. Is being cheerful and happy supposed to miraculously cure me? How uncouth that I should actually be terrified for my life right now. That every pain that I get scares me, that I'm not looking forward to the multiple appointments I'm going to have over the next few years wondering is today the day I find out I'm ****ed.

No I'm not going to BE POSITIVE about it, because I'm SCARED. Instead of telling me how I should feel ask me how I feel.