I'm in a mixed episode now and chaos is the only word I can think of to describe it. Everything about me is conflicting. I need sleep, I feel it, but I can't. I close my eyes and its like im fighting my own body, I feel my muscles trying to open them while im telling them to close. Ultimately I lose. My anxiety is everywhere. Everything I do or want to do or have done, its all racing through my head and clashing together. I can't think but at the same time I feel like i'm thinking about everything all at once. I want nothing but to sleep the day away but then the next thing I know, I've spent the last 3 hours organizing my room which eventually ends uo with everything from my drawers scattared all around my room. I'll look at the mess and be so overwelmed that i'll have to sit down and distrct myself which turns into spending 3 hours of making several graphic design art projects on my phone that I never end up complete. All the while I'm thinking about how my life is falling appart. My anxious racing mind blasts everything I need to do to get my life together while also reminding myself that I'm a failure for not getting up and doing those tasks. My mixed episodes can be depicted similarly to when i try to organize. It's like my tornado brain is making everything in my life as jumbled as my thoughts. I don't know what else to say and i honestly dont even know if I made sense but thats a mixed state for ya!