Not dead yet...... i know this is an awful feeling because I have that "wonder" about myself as well.

And I have talked to many therapists about it because other people that I have had relations with also think I have had sexual trauma.

Same as you...some TV shows bother me..especially the ones that talk about child molestation.

My Grandfather was accused of sexually coming on to a little girl in our neighborhood. I didn't know anything about this accusation until I was much older but my Grandfather had the job of giving my sister and I baths when we were little and we lived with he and my Grandmother for about a year while my parents situated their lives after losing their home.

I have asked my therapist that IF this has happened..why wouldn't I remember something so intrusive...therapists say the same thing that you can read on Google that sometimes if something so terrible and traumatic happens to us...we want to block it out.

I still find it hard to believe that we could block something out so traumatic.

So how I deal with it...is I just keep talking about it with my therapist when something comes up like an aversion to something that happens in my adult life during sex that I think may be related to a molestation BUT I never can remember if anything happened or not....either.

It sucks.