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This may be strange, but if you dont feel you can get through to her with converstaion, how about inviting your daughter and the b/f over to spend some time with the family. Bar-b-que or watch a movie. Maybe then she will remember what it feels like in a healthier atmosphere. And by inviting the b/f he wont feel alienated. There really wont be a reason to turn down your invitation. Good luck with this difficult and heartbreaking situation
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People are like stained glass windows They sparkle and shine in the sun but when
darkness hits their true beauty is
revealed only when there is light within . Elizabeth Krubel-Ros
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