I think you have certainly fallen out of love with your husband and the damage control that would be needed to bring your family back together would be tough.

I do think its exactly as you said..you have become comfortable in limbo .
You are already living on your own...Co parenting I assume...

Its very hard for any marriage to survive an affair...and its not just about the affair..you said that your husband was disrespecting your opinions so that means he was demeaning...and you said he was controlling...You know the divorce was the right decision.

I will honestly say however, that you are not ready for any relationship. I know it feels nice when someone is paying attention to us when we are lonely or going thru a difficult time...

But, please trust me when I tell you that you need time "alone" with your children...who are very young...to help you all find your new normal.

You do not have the capacity to love or be loved in a "new" relationship yet..its just the attraction..and the attention...please don't let that stuff clog your vision of what you should be concentrating on.

There should be no time taken away from your kids to be with a new man...any new man at this point and time....Go thru with serving the papers..and then you will be going thru a lot of stress until it is over.

Respect YOURSELF enough to tell the gentlement you are starting this flirtation with that you were not thinking clearly when you started this and that all your extra energy needs to be focused on healing yourself and your children before you wander out into a dating world.

Men require attention (some more than children)...you can't have the energy for that right now...I do believe that you deserve to be happy and that you can have a man in your life...and don't "gasp" at what I am going to say next because this is something ALL good therapist will tell you..

Get this chapter in your life behind you....get those papers filed...get the divorce done and give yourself 1 year of full attention to the new situation with co parenting with your husband..and time to reflect on the mistakes that you both made before starting another relationship.

I know for a fact that if you continue with this guy at work...he is going to turn into the next person that you dislike..and that is because it is too rushed...you are not even divorced....I'm not trying to be harsh on you...

I'm trying to show you from the outside looking in that it looks silly and irresponsible to be carrying on with a man when you have not finished the serious business you have to attend to at home.