I feel like your tying yourself in knots to avoid something bigger.
I know about anniversaries, I also know how someone who has lost their family feels at this time of year.

I think perhaps this is a bigger consideration. That perhaps exposing oneself to risks, or offending others is an effective way of distracting from deeper more complex hurts that are going on.

Then again I could be a million miles from the mark and just making sht up.