I woke up this morning, filled with thoughts of HIM all over again. WHY can't I shake him from my thoughts????? It's obsessive, and I can't seem to control it.

I listed out everything negative about him:

he lies
he steals
he does illegal things
he was being unfaithful????

he has no career
no job
no car
HUGE debt
no ambition
no motivation
totally irresponsible

insomniac
abusive alcoholic
major depressive

And STILL I obsess over it. The picture I had in my mind of who he is does not match any of the reality. Perhaps I am still trying to come down to reality and out of the fantasy of him.... he built a good fantasy that I embraced because it all sounded so good. I was in love with the fantasy.....

And STILL I wake up with thoughts of him, first thing. He used to send me text messages late at night so that I would wake up with a nice message from him in the morning, telling me how I am everything to him and how much he loves me.

It was all just BS. He turned his back on me.

I guess I am not that much better. I thought I was... in the last few days I felt better, but still I am obsessing.