I'm sorry you're suffering. I know the difficulty and the isolation of feeling like no one knows or gets it.
When therapy and medication didn't work for me, I discovered methods of thinking and deconstructing negative beliefs that took away my depression. I couldn't promise it could work for you, but if you want to pm me I would share all my resources and do whatever I can to help you.
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I have a blog at
www.winterbritt.com where I write about how I deconstruct my negative thoughts and shift my perception step by step.
"I promise if you keep searching for everything beautiful in this world, eventually you will become it." Tyler Kent White