I actually was supposed to quit today but that failed miserably for me. I think I am sitting here smoking cigarette number eight today. Yeah, I know. I tried a few months ago and I made it about a week before I flipped out and ended up getting drunk (and I'm not much of a drinker as a whole) and chain smoking a pack or something like that.

Right now, I'm stuck in a headspace where I feel like I might be one or more of five different people. I'm so freakin lost right now and beyond squirrel-y. I know part of it is from being sick (I get even more flip flopy as a whole when the body gets sick). I now part of this is that I saw my mother yesterday. Part of it is routine change. I'm thinking part of it is also trying to quit smoking in the middle of it. Oh and I'm hormonal to boot. Seriously, fml. Agh.

I'm trying to not be hard on myself and call this a failure. I'm going back and forth a lot about if I should or should not try again tomorrow. I keep reading things like "You should not try to quit smoking when depressed, anxious, stressed, in the middle of tough life circumstances, blah blah blah". Well, if I wait for that stuff to end, I'll be waiting forever. There's always something. I don't know if me being hesitant about quitting tomorrow is me being a pansy ***** and trying to skip out of quitting or me practicing self care.

I tried to get in to see my doc who will give me a script for those patches. She made me mad when I called her last week because after all her fussing about quitting when I've seen her before she won't get me in before three months. Like are you for real lady? She won't even call me in a script to the pharmacy. Urg. I might just take her up on the three months as a back up though. I don't want to wait three months, I want to do this now, but it looks like now is not working so great for me. I also called a quit hotline thing that sends you free stuff but they want you to talk on the phone with them twenty minutes a day. Phone sets me off so I refused to agree to those terms. I know... I'm being hard headed... I just don't want to break my phone when I get so mad I throw it... and I get like that when I try to quit.

Anyway, long story short...

I was wondering if any of you ever quit smoking (or anything really) and how it impacted you as a system.