As I told Pegasus - I have no intention of acting upon or even planning out anything.

But I have been through this so many times - I really don't see the weariness going away even if the circumstances do. Many thing go against human nature - but yet happen anyway.

I understand you want to believe my words cannot be true.

But I also know sometimes truth is accepting what you don't like. I mentioned the things I did to explain. I did not mention them to give the impression I can simply "take a nap" or "wake up somewhere else" and everything will be just fine. I am a realist. Last time I went through this it lasted 28 years.

I do not have that in me anymore. I simply don't. I also don't have it in me to fail at suicide. But ... let death come for me any other way - I am up for it.

That's how I feel.