The lack of warmth and appreciation from my guy is driving a lot of this, I do believe. He is getting the most wonderful gift a person in his shoes could get. I tell him that men with wives they treated well all their lives often end up in nursing homes. Even men with lots of money. For one thing, lots of older men have wives that are just as aged as they are, and couldn't physically do what I do. If he would once in a while say, "Boy, I'm lucky to have you in my life." I'm a sucker for a pat on the head. He's just so dumb.

He did used to have a wonderful, witty sense of humor. Dementia has taken most of that away. I miss who he used to be. I grieve for what is lost. I grieve for the loss ahead. He used to cook for ne all the time. It made me feel nurtured. Now, he can't do anything . . . except say nice things. But it doesn't seem to occur to him that nice words could be like gold to me now.