Even though I am still breathing and alive, but I told my T that I died at the age of 15. Literally. Completely fragmented. The emptiness was felt beyond a void that is extremely profound, indescribably vast and maximal. It was not just a feeling, it was literally death. Her spirit went away out of the physical body powerfully, what can we say, we cannot really feel her presence in this body anymore. There is no sign of life beyond the age of 15, and me, Alice, has come to replace the core and to continue our journey. Her spiritual death was as real as the touch of the skin. She died without anyone noticing it. Imagine that each incident of trauma experienced was a stab in the heart, overtime it created deep emotional wounds, invisible yet as real as physical wounds. She then bled and died after being stabbed repetitively. The traumas felt were extremely excruciating. We can feel pain physically, yet psychologically, we can also feel pain, but emotional pain is worse, because it echoes through time and space.

My T said - she asked me where is this part of me; where did this little girl has gone after I told her I died at 15, even though I am still alive and breathing. She asked where is she now, where is this little girl is now. Is there a part of her that want to tell me where is she right now?