It may well be that you will not be able to find an answer to your question. I would strongly discourage you from deciding to just pick an answer and stick with it. You can't unthink your thoughts. You can't have doubt surgically removed from your mind. Querying your parents might yield a clue, or it might not. They may simply not know. But, if aspersions were cast on an uncle, you have a right to ask that they give you an account of the circumstances that led to any suspicion being vented. The way to approach that is calmly. People who feel threatened are unlikely to share anything with you. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like. If it's half-ways decent, you might sit them down individually or jointly and try and draw them out about what they know and what they ever suspected. There is an art to drawing people out. You're intelligent and reflective. Rehearse in your mind how you would go about it. People can best be drawn out when they feel safe. Maybe an opportunity could present itself when you are having a relaxed close conversation with a parent about something unrelated.

You sound like someone who needs a good therapist. You are describing a history of having disturbed thoughts. That has roots, but the roots could be complicated. They may or may not resemble what you conjecture them to be.

I was hospitalised at age three, almost four. Much of what happens to a hospitalised child can feel like molestation. It left me with some disturbed thoughts and feelings. Like you, I don't have much memory of that part of my early childhood . . . and yet I do have some very distinct impressions and some small memories. Some of them made more sense, years later, as I got some info from my mother. It is normal to want to make sense of disjointed impressions. It is also tricky. The human mind has a powerful tendency to create a narrative that seems to make sense. There is the phenomenon of "confabulation," whereby "gaps" get filled in by invented memories that can seem as real as actual experience. You clearly are aware of this and leaving room for that possibility. That's not to say that your concerns are baseless.

Ask yourself, also, what current problem you are trying to grapple with. The past is over and can't be changed. If you are having some major difficulty in your current life, which is really what matters most, then how do you see a mystery about the past relating to what's challenging you now.

How a thing is perceived by a child can be very different from how it would be perceived later in life. Sometimes, an experience that may seem shocking to an adult may not have been experienced quite that way by a child. Alternatively, a child can be very disturbed by an experience that was not an instance of anyone doing something egregious. (This is why we don't let children witness adult sexual acts.) I came home from the hospital with a story about how doctors and nurses were coming into the room where I slept and electrocuting other children. This was when 4 bed rooms were common in peds. They came in with boxes and stuck plugs into kids and were electrocuting them. I had a great deal of experience to "process" and I was misprocessing it big time.

I understand your need to get a handle on your past because my need to do that was very great. I don't know if anything I've said helps. It was kind of random. Mainly I would caution you against trying to impose a narrative on things whose connections you don't really understand. Truth is important. Sometimes we have to settle for not fully knowing as the most truthful thing we can acknowledge.