I don't think my meds "kill" my personality so much. I do believe that my meds "kill" my drive to get out of bed. Today was a fine example of that. I managed to force my AP down last night after fighting enough. All I did today, except for eating the breakfast my fiance made, was lay in bed. I didn't want to do anything else, nor did I have the energy for it. My AD, as it is, doesn't seem to be lifting my depression as much as it's increased my anxiety and destroyed my appetite. So, when it comes to my AD, I just don't understand why I'm taking it when it hasn't even helped me. With my AP, things just get really boring when it kicks in, really boring and honestly kind of lonely. Cartoon animals aren't chasing each other in the kitchen anymore, you know? Same token, I'm not dealing with things that are nearly as scary and the chaos is gone. The chaos can get really violent but it's all I know. I don't know how to live without it. I'm not sure if I want to. Looking back at my posts (or lack thereof), I can tell when I'm on my meds and when I'm not. My depression and SI are always quite present in both categories.