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Old Nov 07, 2017, 05:44 AM
AquaGuy AquaGuy is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2017
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This lasted about 7 years, thereabouts, so I will be summarising the events as much as much as possible. And these will be in a random order as I have no idea where one started and the other ended.

Year 7 (age 10-11) to second year of college (age 17-18). I am now 22 and now, even though I have occasional paranoia and other things, I see it as a paranoid delusion and wish it away, it took more than 7 years to recognise a hallucination and a delusion and paranoia.

I began to get obsessed with doctor who, and this escalated. I began to believe, becoming deluded, that I was being contacted through the TV, and through the stars, and through the radio, etc, by Rose. For those who don't know what happened, she basically got trapped in a pareallel universe and after a while she began to contact the Doctor through different means, and I thought she was contacting me for some reason. I heard voices (her voice), saw her, everything.

Then I developed another delusion, where I vehemently, whole-heartedly, believed my school was run by an alien race in skin suits. I put A LOT of effort into forcing them to reveal themselves, instead of doing school work because that was unimportant at the time. I thought they had a secret room in the newest part of the school (the reason for a new building being added to a very old school) and, I believed illogically, that the the secret room was behind a disabled toilet, but the only was it could be accessed was through a hidden button behind a light switch, which then morphed into 3 students, hidden, being teenage spies. It turns it that I thought they had a secret lift down, that went under the school, the same place where I thought the alien base was located.

Then it changed to me believing I was a vampire. I have, and have had for most of my life due to a lot of childhood nosebleeds developing my phobia, a phobia of blood. However, my obsession with vampires forced this phobia away and I began to get obsessed with blood, drinking my own blood because I was a "good" vampire, believed I had fangs, believed I had super speed, and tested it, causing a lot of people to laugh... I injured myself a lot with this delusion.

I then became obsessed with Spider-Man. I became convinced that I was stolen from New York as a child and got raised here as a normal child. I loved my parents and grandparents (I obviously still do), but the part of me that loved them fought with the part of me that hated them at the time. I would see things in the mirror, like different coloured eyes, I thought I had spider senses, etc, you get the idea. It ended up causing injuries. I nearly broke my back at one point..I even planned to move to New York to find them and live up to "my farther's" name and become spider-man. This one lasted a few years, I even began to study highly advanced genetics and biology to try and insert animal DNA into my own, and I thought I understood it then, but obviously I was delusional.

This is the worst one.
I believed I had a brain tumour. It lasted about 6 years (while all the other delusions and paranoia and hallucinations happened) all because I got an ear infection once. I felt dizzy and had seen a programme my grandparents were watching about this girl with a brain tumour and that kick-started it, and the belief grew. As the years went by, and I still hadn't died or beocme seriously ill, I rationalised it as God helping me (I have no religion) but then I got ill with a cold, the symptoms came back and, I whole-heartedly believed I would die in the nighttime. I fully accepted death and expected not to wake up...
It went on for so long, I have always been a minor hypochondriac, almost all of my life, and despite not passing any subjects in school and failing college after going for 3 years, I know enough about medical and psychological illnesses to half recite a medical dictionary. But, at the time obviously, my thoughts were all over the place and my brain "told me" to think the worst.

There have been a lot more, and they even happened, to the extent I listed above, before the age of 10 (I think they began around age 6).
For some strange reason, while I've always been known as the weirdo, getting bullied a lot and stuff, none of the teachers, none of my friends (I only had 1 friend back in high school, as I was very socially withdrawn), nor my parents or grandparents noticed any signs of possible psychosis, they just thought I was "shy". How can that be possible?

Thanks. Sorry if I've written a lot, I just wanted to get some of it off my chest.
Peace ☮️

Oh, and PS. I also struggle with periods of hypomania followed by mild dreprssion. During high school I had severe depression, which, if I'd have gone to see a specialist, would have been diagnosed as clinical depression. But I have spent most of my life in a constant paradoxically "mixed" emotional state, and struggled to describe my emotions as a child due to being always mixed. I began to have depression in high school (and obviously the other problems didn't help at all) but now have begun to very occasionally, and very fleetingly, experience hypomania.

I would have put a lot more information, but didn't want to write too much in 1 post.
Hugs from:
bizi