I cannot have any relationships.
I cannot make any friendships.
For I am avoidant.

I get hurt so easily, even at the slightest thing, due to lifelong trauma. Emotional wound is like unto physical, just that you cannot see, it doesn't mean it is not there. When you are wounded, further wounding it would make it worse. So, this is somewhat an analogy. It is like my emotions and feelings have been amplified a thousand times. But, emotional wound is a lot more worse, in my opinion, because you never know when it will be healed, while the physical, possibly. There are triggers that would remind you of memories, then the pain comes flood into your being again. I therefore keep silent. When silence is the way to calm myself down. When silence doesn't hurt. When isolation means reducing the risk of being harmed again. Even the thought of it is re-traumatizing me too.

What if I cross my boundary? I could imagine myself get into extreme panic mode, may even get paralysed at the fear of rejection, because I have known rejection all my life. I knew every bit of it and how it felt like completely, including the feelings of humiliation that I have suffered on a daily basis for over a decade. I could imagine myself of self-projecting out of my body if I get too afraid. When relationship is mixed with trauma, it is like touching with the fire, while others are touching the water, refreshed yet unharmed.