So..... I am STILL obsessing, and I called my last psychic this morning. I am DONE calling psychics. I have written in my journal all about him to help process my feelings. Funny thing, my therapist last night told me she can be my psychic, that I don't need them to tell me what she can already explain. lol.

Man, this process SUCKS beyond belief. I gave my heart and soul to this guy, and then some. At least now I know I am capable of that level of commitment and giving to someone else. At least now I see him for all that he truly is and I am coming down to reality about him. At least now I know he is definitely NOT right for me in any way, as a marriage partner, or even as a boyfriend.

I know I will find better, and I want to have faith that I will. I do want to marry one day, this is something I've always wanted, yet was too free spirited in my life to ever really settle down. I never wanted kids, either. But I've kissed enough frogs, and I want commitment with someone -- a lifelong partnership. I want to grow old together with someone who is WORTHY of me and my love. I know I have so much to give, so much love within me. I've just chosen ALL the wrong partners.

One psychic told me years ago that my life lesson is discernment. I now understand what that means. I have not been discerning enough in my life. I usually go for any guy who shows an interest in ME, rather than looking at THEM for who THEY ARE. It's like I have lacked confidence in myself or something. But I now know, since I am older, more experienced, and more mature, how much I truly DO have to offer someone. I feel much more confident in who I am.... and all the beauty inside of me that exists. I feel pretty good about myself, for the most part, despite some bad days or bad moments.

SO, NO MORE SETTLING for less than what I deserve!!!!!! Discernment is going to be my motto -- I will check out someone's character FIRST, before committing any emotional attachment to someone. I want to see who they are inside and how they treat other people... AND animals. I want to see if they have compassion, if they are a good person inside, and if they are WORTHY. Are they respectful towards me? Are they respectful towards others? Are they a decent human being.. loving and kind?

All of the above I will apply next go around. No more frogs!!!! I am SO done with that crap. I'd rather be alone than settle for less.

Oh! And also! I finally read my ex's last note to me that he had written a week ago, that I never read because i knew it would be abusive and hurtful, which it was. I had written on this forum we're on that I am dating other men now (after the breakup) and that i had kissed a guy. So what does my ex say to me about this? Tells me I am a slut, that I am permiscuous and trashy. All because I simply kissed one guy after the breakup and DESPITE being 100% faithful to him while we were together. What an A-hole. I did not deserve that. Sure, I wanted to make him mad by making that known, & I know it was a reactive emotional response on my part, but still... his reaction was uncalled for and derogatory. He had to trash ME in response.