I hear ya. I do go to AA, even though I bristle at the mention of God & prayer. I use the other peoples' messages as my "higher power." I sometimes feel like an outsider when I speak up & say I'm an athiest. "Take what you need, & leave the rest," however, is a saying some in the program use to justify free-thinking. Listening to others talk about their experiences makes me feel less alone with the disease of alcoholism...& I attribute that to the years of sobriety I've got under my belt.

As far as missing meetings goes, there are times when I'll miss them for a few months at a time when I'm feeling depressed and/or semi-agoraphobic. Folks understand this about me, however, since I mention that depression is an issue for me. I have bipolar disorder, you have schizophrenia, but that's no one's business - depression is "socially acceptable," so that's all I have to say; actually, one doesn't even need excuses to miss meetings. The less you worry about what other people in AA think of you, the better off you'll be. There are some "Big Book thumpers" who maintain that it's their way, or the highway. Screw them! You're there to get & stay sober...& again, AA helps me do that even though I don't work the steps the way they do. I'd also suggest that you find like-minded people when/if you go. If you hit the same meetings enough, you're bound to find someone who has beliefs similar to your own.

Having written this, I know there's a possibility an AA diehard will criticize my words. If they disagree, that's their issue, which stems from their beliefs. You can be a free-thinker in both AA & in life in general. Being overly self-conscious can pose problems...That's something I had to work out through therapy (even though I sometimes forget!) You're probably aware of the Fifth Step...in which you're supposed to share your "shortcomings" & "wrong things" you've done. Some stuff I've shared with a sponsor, but other stuff is for my therapist's ears alone. Don't let someone else's set of rules or beliefs hold you back from sobriety.

If you ever have questions, or just need to bounce things off someone else, myou can always PM me here. Sobriety is something I take very seriously because I know what my unchecked alcoholism costed me. I hope I've given some info that helps. Take care.